Vanderbilt vs. Richmond Preview

Sept. 1, 7pm, Nashvegas

The Dores start their season against the national powerhouse Richmond Spiders. This is a slight letdown from last year when I traveled up to the "Big House" to watch the Commies battle a national title contender. I am still amazed that anyone would want to play football up there; I mean the girls are hideous. Scouting the Spiders is no easy task this year, seeing there is more information about my high school team on the internet than the mighty Spiders.

One thing is for sure, if Vegas let us bet on games where the Dores' play Little League teams we would be 40 or 50 point favorites, with an over under of around 57. But they don't and it is probably in our best interest.

Richmond surprised Duke last year by beating them in their season opener 13-0 in Durham. This was a big deal for the Spiders as they beat a I-A team for the first time since 2000. Don't expect a repeat of last year as the Dores are about a gazillion times better than Duke and our school actually gives a damn about football and we don't SUCK.

Big news in the media today is on regaining a home field advantage at Vanderbilt Stadium. Although there will not be a capacity crowd on hand for this one, expect those devoted fans who make it to the game to be extremely loud and obnoxious. Note the 7pm kickoff, this means that even the Dong Pockets might make it to the tailgate/game on time and have a solid 4 plus hours of boozing. This will lead to a mighty unruly crowd to make lots of noise.

Richmond returns the vast majority of their offense (9 starters) including their QB, RB and leading WR. This will be a good test for the D to see if they can step it up and hopefully not show any glaring holes for Saban and crew to try and take advantage of. Expect Goff to have a monster game as he shows off his ability to cover the run and pass as well as his unique ability to actually eat people on the field. I am predicting a 13 tackle game, 1 for a loss and possibly a decapitation of Richmond running back Tim Hightower.

When the Dores have the ball, watch out. Richmond only returns three, that’s right 3 players on the defensive side of the ball. Expect to hear this sound(FFMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH) ringing on the city's western border with great frequency. I thoroughly expect to see Nickson, CJG, Jennings and His Name is on the bench halfway through the 3rd quarter. This will give some of the younger Dores game time experience and get the confidence level way up for my trip to the Promised Land to watch the SEC opener next week.

Apparently, the Spiders know that they need a little extra help outside the weight room if they expect to compete, because players were forced to help move lowly freshmen into their dorms. I mean fuck practice, shouldn't we show that we are student-athletes just like Vanderbilt.

Final Score = Dores 48 – Toby Maguire's 9

See you soon Little Nicky Saban