Oh Baby. Oh Baby. OH BABY. 24 hours til kick off. I am looking to pull a complete Jack Bauer of a day until kick off. Typically today is when you see a game preview, but our friends at Vanderbilt Sports Line and Star and Stripe have done such a fine job that I will resort to telling you about what to expect from me as a complete Vandy Football junkie.
Screen fades to black and the numbers 11:00:01, 11:00:02, 11:00:03 appear on the screen…
I am sitting at my desk fantasizing about the weekend. Making proposals for clients, I have just run to the binding machine for the fourth time today. My life kicks ass. In fact nothing of note will happen until…
2:00 – I leave the office, take off my Vanderbilt Chancellor Edition tie and get in the car on my way to change for the airport. Tickets and bag already packed, should I wear the obnoxious bright gold Vandy shirt on the plane? I think so…
2:35 – Arrive at the aeropuerto. No bags to check and I already have my boarding passes, but wait…I have liquids in my bag. I quickly grab the first TSA person I see (Is this agency the worst run in America? I think they may have FEMA beat.) and put my pistol to the back of his head. I am whispering loudly in his ear (because it is very important) "You let me pass or I will have to kill you." Typical, he pees his pants and his supervisor comes over and lets me through. They obviously know I mean business.
3:40 – I board my flight. Gin and Tonic #1. It is tooooo early to start drinking brown, I mean I am not in the South yet and its not game day.
7:00 – Arrive in the mother land. Oh my God there are mullets everywhere. How on earth did Bama fans afford to fly? My obnoxious yellow shirt matches my 4 G&T lifestyle as I begin shit talking about how His Name is will have 3,000 receiving yards against Simeon Castille. A Who Ya With? shout comes from down the hall, to the chorus of 100 fans screaming VU.
8:30 – Goten. Who else do I see but Cheng Zhi (The bastard who kidnapped me and took me to China) and I am greeted by him saying "Ahhhhhhhhh, Mista Bauwaaaaa. Let me take you to your table."
10:15 – The sorbet is out. Our table, which includes Tha Burglar begins its Who Ya With? chant. Shit's getting rowdy.
11:30 – At Robert's Western World. The Jesus aka Jack Bauer for the evening Blacks out…
7:00 – GAME DAY. I roll over in bed, why the fuck am I naked and how did I get home? I grab the bottle of brown next to me pound a swig and the scream "WHO YA WITH?" everyone else is grumbles VU. It game day Bitch.
7:30 – Showered and outfitted in a yellow Lacoste button down and white shorts, I stroll down to the continental breakfast. Grab a bite and fill up a large glass with OJ. This will be used to make the first of many screwdrivers of the day.
8:30 – Finally the DP is ready and we head to Fairfux to begin tailgating. The crowd is meager at this point, but all the die hards are there. The Burgular and myself begin making outrageous predictions for the game. We are both already hammered. Will we make it to McDougal's after the game. Outlook = doubtful.
9:47 – Oh that’s it. Tawd shows up in Bama gear (He was an HOD major, does that count as Vanderbilt?) Burgular and myself tie him up and begin torture, Jack Bauer style. That son of a bitch.
10:01 – Less than an hour til game time. There are quite a few BAMA fans at the tailgate. I have successfully alienated everyone of them. Who the fuck has a quarterback named John Parker Wilson? I can't decide if he should be a pop metro sexual country singer or the person who assassinated one of the Kennedy's.
11:02 – The treck to the Stadium begins. 72 Who Ya With's? are yelled. 68 get positive responses. I almost get in a fight with a dude in Crimson with a mullet. He is 80. Can 80 year olds grow mullets. He must have it surgically implanted like Joe Dirt.
11:21 – I make it to my seats. Student section. yeah I graduated, but it is way more fun up here. Plus I have a stiff brown and coke.
11:30 – Game Time. Bama is fucked I see 2 #10's on the field. That's right, Earl Bennett cloned himself overnight. Or am I just seeing double.
11:34-3:00 – I hear only one thing… FFMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Touchdown Commodores.
3:05 – VU 23 – BAMA 17
Screen fades to black and the numbers 11:00:01, 11:00:02, 11:00:03 appear on the screen…
I am sitting at my desk fantasizing about the weekend. Making proposals for clients, I have just run to the binding machine for the fourth time today. My life kicks ass. In fact nothing of note will happen until…
2:00 – I leave the office, take off my Vanderbilt Chancellor Edition tie and get in the car on my way to change for the airport. Tickets and bag already packed, should I wear the obnoxious bright gold Vandy shirt on the plane? I think so…
2:35 – Arrive at the aeropuerto. No bags to check and I already have my boarding passes, but wait…I have liquids in my bag. I quickly grab the first TSA person I see (Is this agency the worst run in America? I think they may have FEMA beat.) and put my pistol to the back of his head. I am whispering loudly in his ear (because it is very important) "You let me pass or I will have to kill you." Typical, he pees his pants and his supervisor comes over and lets me through. They obviously know I mean business.
3:40 – I board my flight. Gin and Tonic #1. It is tooooo early to start drinking brown, I mean I am not in the South yet and its not game day.
7:00 – Arrive in the mother land. Oh my God there are mullets everywhere. How on earth did Bama fans afford to fly? My obnoxious yellow shirt matches my 4 G&T lifestyle as I begin shit talking about how His Name is will have 3,000 receiving yards against Simeon Castille. A Who Ya With? shout comes from down the hall, to the chorus of 100 fans screaming VU.
8:30 – Goten. Who else do I see but Cheng Zhi (The bastard who kidnapped me and took me to China) and I am greeted by him saying "Ahhhhhhhhh, Mista Bauwaaaaa. Let me take you to your table."
10:15 – The sorbet is out. Our table, which includes Tha Burglar begins its Who Ya With? chant. Shit's getting rowdy.
11:30 – At Robert's Western World. The Jesus aka Jack Bauer for the evening Blacks out…
7:00 – GAME DAY. I roll over in bed, why the fuck am I naked and how did I get home? I grab the bottle of brown next to me pound a swig and the scream "WHO YA WITH?" everyone else is grumbles VU. It game day Bitch.
7:30 – Showered and outfitted in a yellow Lacoste button down and white shorts, I stroll down to the continental breakfast. Grab a bite and fill up a large glass with OJ. This will be used to make the first of many screwdrivers of the day.
8:30 – Finally the DP is ready and we head to Fairfux to begin tailgating. The crowd is meager at this point, but all the die hards are there. The Burgular and myself begin making outrageous predictions for the game. We are both already hammered. Will we make it to McDougal's after the game. Outlook = doubtful.
9:47 – Oh that’s it. Tawd shows up in Bama gear (He was an HOD major, does that count as Vanderbilt?) Burgular and myself tie him up and begin torture, Jack Bauer style. That son of a bitch.
10:01 – Less than an hour til game time. There are quite a few BAMA fans at the tailgate. I have successfully alienated everyone of them. Who the fuck has a quarterback named John Parker Wilson? I can't decide if he should be a pop metro sexual country singer or the person who assassinated one of the Kennedy's.
11:02 – The treck to the Stadium begins. 72 Who Ya With's? are yelled. 68 get positive responses. I almost get in a fight with a dude in Crimson with a mullet. He is 80. Can 80 year olds grow mullets. He must have it surgically implanted like Joe Dirt.
11:21 – I make it to my seats. Student section. yeah I graduated, but it is way more fun up here. Plus I have a stiff brown and coke.
11:30 – Game Time. Bama is fucked I see 2 #10's on the field. That's right, Earl Bennett cloned himself overnight. Or am I just seeing double.
11:34-3:00 – I hear only one thing… FFMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Touchdown Commodores.
3:05 – VU 23 – BAMA 17
0 comments:
Post a Comment